Contractual Relationship vs Covenant Relationship

Is your relationship Contractual or Covenant?

Example: A strong self-assured woman can find herself full of guilt because she has found that she is capable of hating her husband, who she also loves faithfully. Now, she feels she has to hide these feelings if she wants to keep his love.  At times, this woman may feel hostility towards her husband but can not admit this reality because it could damage, in her own eyes, what love “should be”.  She believes in romantic love and fears losing her assurance as so she is willing to lose herself in order to keep consistency within the marriage, but this will only drive the couple apart.

Romantic love has no give; it’s stuck in a set pattern such as a business contract. This is a Contractual Relationship.

Based on predetermined roles set at the beginning of the relationship and often inspired by previous experiences, each partner is expected to fulfill the tasks that have been verbally and non verbally established.

When these are not completed to the partner’s acceptable standards, there is a disappointment, negative reviews, and consequences.

If a spouse starts to evolve into their mature self, they are still expected to comply with the original “agreement”. That leaves very little room for change or growth in an individual.  This restriction creates resentment within the relationship.

In this type of contractual relationship, no one is allowed to evolve unless his or her original role is still fulfilled. If this does not happen, the relationship falls apart because the foundation was built on dependency.

Even when the roles are fulfilled, often change will still bring about hostility in a relationship because many people fear change and have found security inconsistency.

Don’t get married to find happiness, this is declaring your happiness lays within the connection of your spouse and is directly dependant on the state of that relationship.

A Covenant Relationship is a mature love and moves with individual growth, molding to changing patterns, and creates security and unconditional safety.  An example of this is the relationship between a parent and their newborn baby.

As a newborn evolves into who they’re created to be, they are embraced and encouraged. This is because we have no predetermined expectations for this child. Rather, this evolution is nurtured because it’s not dependent on your own development.

Security in your own identity benefits your marriage. You choose to encourage your partner because you want the most amazing life.  You are secure in who you are and know that when both partners are whole, they no longer demand from one another, but rather live to share with one another.

Get married if you want to share your life with someone whom you can see yourself serving and someone who loves to serves you. A relationship where you are prepared to take challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations and use them to get closer to each other and God.

Our relationships must be built on a Spiritually Covenant Relationship.

When couples have been together for an amount of time, the romantic roller coaster of dating starts to even out into a routine. This is when the relationship has to determine what it is built on.  Some couples will end their relationship and find passion and romance with someone else. Others will fall into some sort of warfare while they blame each other for their dissatisfaction, and some with deciding to live in this grey area for the sake of social surroundings, family, or finances.

But there will be some that may want to pursue a spiritual truth, a deeper meaning, and a genuine unconditional love for one another.

If we know that almost every marriage is faced with the same challenges, and it is how we respond to these challenges that determine the outcome, why then, are we not learning these habit-forming, life-impacting, decision-making tools and applying them to our relationships from the beginning?

Why do we wait until our marriage is almost over to seek clarity, guidance, and help?

Today I encourage you to take a look at if your marriage is contractual or covenant and choose to learn tools that will truly impact and encourage your relationship to grow to a new, powerful, and fulfilled covenant.

If you’re interested in transforming your relationship, sign up for our 7 Step Marriage Transformation Guide below